Where Were We?
by djmichealsfics
Summary: It was magic.  He had never looked into another person's eyes and seen the future, or what his future could be.


**Title: **Where Were We?  
**Author: **djmicheals  
**Beta**: tinlizzie82  
**Warnings: **Slash m/m pairing  
**Summary: **It was magic.

**Coffee to?: **Tony. Because.

Tony thought it was magic. He had never felt that way before. He had never looked into another person's eyes and seen the future, or what his future could be. Every kiss was felt to his very core. The love of his partner was a real, tangible thing. He felt it deep inside. Tony _**knew**_ that he was loved unconditionally. He had never had that before. Every day Tony got out of bed thanking God for letting him wake up next Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Every night he prayed for another, thanking Him for allowing them to be together another day.

In the past Tony had been hurt. Hurt by his mother's death, his father's cold carelessness, then an endless string of step-mothers, each successively younger, who wanted no reminder of a previous wife. His extended family had nothing to do with him after he was cut off. He learned at an early age that he couldn't trust any of them with his heart. Girlfriend after girlfriend proved what his step-monsters had taught him, beautiful women were a backstabbing lot; only looking out for number one. He carefully locked his heart away for his own safety.

Their affair started after he saved Jethro and Maddie from drowning. He collapsed on the pier and was hospitalized for pneumonia and exhaustion. Afraid that this time he wouldn't escape his illness intact, Tony demanded to see Dr. Pitt. He had grabbed Brad's hand in a vice like grip and made him swear on his honor as a doctor, a friend, and a Wolverine. Tony wanted no visitors, his curtains kept closed, and no matter what happened or what anyone else said, he wanted to die peacefully with no life saving measures. Brad gave his word. He admitted Tony to the isolation ward where he spent for two days fighting for his breath with only oxygen, an IV, and antibiotics. When he came out on the other side, Gibbs was waiting for him. He swooped in and not caring Ducky was there, claimed him in a fierce kiss that scorched Tony's toes. He pulled the younger man into an embrace and shook with emotion borne of anger, despair, and fear. Fear that he would never see Tony again; that his last view would be through the murky waters of the Potomac. Fear Tony would die alone; that he would die before Gibbs told him how he felt.

That shuttered part inside of Tony was finally opened. The massive oak door that had sealed his heart shut for centuries was suddenly unlocked. Jethro was the key. He was difference. Tony felt he could get through anything with Jethro by his side. He stood for honor, courage, and doing the right thing. Jethro's bright shining light was the beacon that attracted them all, drew them to safety. He pulled Tony in and offered him everything; himself. Everything Tony had ever wanted. Tony came alive secure in Jethro's love. Tony would sneak peeks across the bullpen at him with a stupid look of happiness. It felt like he had won the Heisman, Stanley Cup, World Series, and Super Bowl all in one day. The years flew by and he was on top of the world. Nothing could diminish his happiness that together they could not handle.

Returning from a conference in Atlanta, Tony noted the unfamiliar car in the street as he let himself into the house. It was dark inside but reddish light spilled in through the windows as the early morning sun started making its way over the horizon. As he made his way down the hall, he tripped on a pair of Jimmy Choos. Tony followed a trail of discarded clothing, piece by piece, step by step to the open doorway of the bedroom. His heart pounded in his ears.

Tony saw Gibbs, his Jethro. The morning light tinged his features with a bright reddish glow. A beam of yellow gold spotlighted his face. Tony saw the look of satisfaction, pure blissed out, satiated, and at peace with a small smile. The one that just hit the corner of his mouth when he is very pleased. Tony didn't need to see the face of the other person in the bed. Dark hair fanned out. In his spot, his side of the bed, draped across Jethro's chest where he lay, with his arms wrapped around that tiny, narrow waist. He saw the empty condom box thrown by the door that was full when he left two days ago.

He felt his heart fall to the floor and shatter into a million jagged and sharp pieces. He never thought it would end this way. The reddish gold light painted the room an ominous hue as he took one last look at its occupants and then closed the door. He slipped back down the stairs as quietly as he had come, stopping in the kitchen briefly. He didn't think he would be 'fine'.

When Gibbs woke up later that morning he had to untangle himself from the mess of limbs. He stumbled into the kitchen wondering how he was going to pull it all together to tell Tony, to confess his sins. And stopped dead. There on top of the coffee pot was a key. Bright, shiny, and new. Dread rolled in his stomach and his chest got tight. Two people had the keys to his house; he was one of them and Tony was the other.

He quickly threw on some clothes and tore across town to Tony's apartment. The door was unlocked, room after room was empty except for the kitchen. There on the counter was the brand new coffee pot Tony had bought right after they got together. As the overwhelming reality of what he had done came crashing down on him, Gibbs slid to the floor. A piece of paper was disturbed by the air flow and gently floated down towards him. It held eight words.

I don't think I'm gonna love you anymore.


End file.
